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Hanging on to Hope

I came so so so sososo close to losing my dad yesterday. As in, if he hadn’t already been in a doctor’s office when it happened, he wouldn’t be here anymore close. I…I have trouble fathoming that right now.

For the past six or seven days my dad has been experiencing these ‘episodes.’ We call them that because until yesterday, we had no idea what they were–the doctors didn’t either. Last Wednesday night he was laughing one minute, and unconscious the next. Then suddenly, he was fine. My mom rushed him to the hospital, but the doctors there couldn’t quite tell what had happened. It happened a few more times over the weekend, but each time by the time the paramedics arrived he was fine again. Each episode lasted a little longer, and seemed a little stronger. By the time he walked into his cardiologist’s office on Monday morning, it was strong enough to need CPR right there on the doctor’s office floor.

He has something called ventricular fibrillation. It took three more episodes in the ER for them to figure out what was going on. He is at Jewish Hospital in Louisville right now, awaiting surgery tomorrow. There is no better place in the region for him to be.

I knew it was bad. I was so scared the past 48 hours. But I finally got time to research this disorder of the heart, and found out just how close we came to losing him: if he’d been at home instead of the doctor’s office, the paramedics would not have gotten there in time. He would have been gone. I would have lost my daddy, and my kids would have lost an amazing grandfather.

I am so thankful to God that he took care of my daddy for me. Even though my dad has eschewed any faith or religion for many years, God has protected him many times. It has been a rough couple of days, but I can feel God’s hand in so much that has happened–like my dad walking into the cardiologist’s office just as the most severe episode hit. I am having to lean on my faith right now, and trust that God will take care of this for me. That he knows that I can’t lose my daddy.

And I know he’s there, watching after me. How do I know? Because after spending the day in the dreariest hospital waiting room I’ve seen in a long time, craving and searching for something interesting to photograph and take my mind off things, I came home to this sight:

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Thanks, Jesus. I love you too.

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